He restores my soul

 The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not be in want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul. 

Psalm 23: 1-3.

My soul.

My deepest feelings have happened here: Grief, sorrow, pain, shame and love.

I was 'acquainted with grief, and I know what it means for a heart to be broken.

It doesn't mean that it accidentally fell and got cracked and broken. In my case, it meant that it was intentionally smashed to a thousand pieces. It meant that the foundations for trust were demolished; it meant that my soul was crushed. I was still breathing, but I wasn't living... I was like a machine, doing what I was supposed to do. Doing without being. How could I be when there was no more me left?

We all know who to dial for a medical emergency. We know where to run to; we know how to respond. But what do you do when it's a soul emergency?

I had read that Psalm many times; I had memorised it. Now it was time for me to experience it by heart, literally.

That this good shepherd could reach depths that I didn't even know existed.

Depths that only HE knew existed because He created those depths, and he hovers over those depths.

His SPIRIT over my spirit, HIS breath over my fading breath, HIS heart over my faltering beat.

The gentle shepherd with the most tender caresses, the lover of my soul, kissed me with the kisses of his lips and brought me back to life.

Perhaps there is some truth to the 'Kiss of life' that fairy tales love so much.

My beloved is mine, and I am his. He feeds his flocks among the lilies. Songs Of  Solomon 2:16

Gently, slowly, he led me to my waterhole.

In the green pastures, he made me lay down. I lay down the heavy burden of my own mistakes and my regret.

He led me beside quiet waters where I wept bitter tears. I cried in, and I cried out. He listened.

He started to restore...

It didn't happen in one day or one month, and it took a while. 

He took his time, and I was where he wanted me- among the lilies.

He started to transform the way I thought about love. Everything I knew was misinformed, and everything I had learned was imbalanced.

Only He knows the truth about love because He is LOVE.

I learnt to forgive the other person, and most importantly, I learnt to forgive myself.

He started to heal me by the quiet waters, one day at a time, taking away my bitterness and filling it with pure love.

Taking away my ignorance and filling it with his light.

He didn't rush, and he didn't hurry. He took his time, one day at a time... until one day, I was ALIVE.